15 Ways to Decrease Your Visitor Base

This week I have literally been to hundreds of different blogs, and with a majority of them I instantly saw problems of one sort or another that made me cringe.  With the new wave of bloggers entering the ‘sphere I have seen people that write one of three types of content: content clearly designed for search engines, content for people, and blatant advertisements.  Obviously out of these three choices, only one will actually help grow your visitor base, RSS subscribers, repeat commentators, etc. and I will allow you to take a guess which one it is!

Below are the top 15 ways to make sure that anyone that would normally be interested in what you have to say flee from your site and go elsewhere for their information.  If you don’t believe me, simply try it yourself for a few weeks and see what it does to your site 🙂

  1. Start your post with a hoplink for a ClickBank affiliate product, this is always promising.
  2. Spend more than half your content asking your visitors to do things for you (email friends, social bookmarking submissions, comments, subscribe via email). *cough* You don’t mind, right?
  3. Don’t spell check your posts, tehre is no raeson y u need gud grammor to mak money on internet!!
  4. Don’t use paragraphs, people love to read solid chunks of text.
  5. Don’t include any links, images, bold/italics, or anything that might make people look at your website for longer than 7 seconds.
  6. Allow any comment to go unmoderated, everyone loves reading about various ED pills while they try to get their information.
  7. Include completely off topic posts, I love hearing about your love for beluga whales in your “internet marketing blog”.
  8. Don’t utilize social media, they are unlikely to click on your PPC ads so listen to the people on DigitalPoint that say that this traffic is therefore useless.  No need to have actually interested readers.
  9. Decline all trackbacks, whenever somebody is interested in your blog and talks about it you should hide this fact from others while pissing off the other blogger.
  10. Make sure to divulge your hate for everything, everyone loves a blog that is simply a long rant.
  11. Go on internet marketing forums and say “Hey look, I found this awesome site: [insert site]!!!” while also having it in your signature, nobody will guess it is yours and make fun of it.
  12. Use pop-unders, pop-ups, and pop-overs as well as exit ads to get people to sign up for you affiliate products, because clearly people will appreciate this.
  13. Always hotlink images from other sites, especially ones that clearly visit your site as well, nobody would ever change the image to something incredibly offensive.  While you are at it, make sure you have lots of dead pages (404) on your site.
  14. Lies!  Make sure you lie to your readers as much as possible… I made $17 million today just by writing this blog post!
  15. Don’t offer any useful content, ever.  All content should be written to make money or to help with Google.  Useful content would never develop any links naturally, it must all be artificial.

There you go, it is just that simple.  Follow these easy steps and you will be well on your way towards losing all of your RSS subscribers and daily visitors.  Simply rinse and repeat, inserting a copy & pasted ad copy as your posts every once in a while and you won’t have to worry about people chewing up your bandwidth.

Comments

  1. Cynthia Blue says:

    All good points! I especially like number 4 “Don’t use paragraphs, people love to read solid chunks of text.”. UGH I hate it when people don’t break their posts out into paragraphs!!!

  2. You’ve completely nailed it! My favorite is #1 – leading with affiliate links. It’s amazing how many identical “reviews” of the same product you can find on unrelated sites, isn’t it?

    Also as a personal pet peeve, #3 and #4 always make me cringe and run away (but not necessarily in that order).

  3. I enjoyed reading your article very much! It’s amazing how many blogs I was picturing in my head as you made point after point. The formula for a successful blog is not rocket science, yet the clueless press on. If we don’t chastise these abusers then we are considered one of them by the media, the neophytes and the ill-informed blog-ignorant masses.

    On one hand I admire some of the methodologies that have been established to rank blogs, yet the abusers quickly learn ways to write scripts to beat the system, falsely inflating their own blogs ratings or ‘authority’ – nullifying any reliability of ranking value and clouding their purpose.

    If only someone could bottle the heuristics of blogging into a product – call it the ‘sniff test ranking’ perhaps and base it on not only the standard SEOs but also many of the items you have touched on, we might have a good starting point.

    Some additional items I look for when trying to drive away readers are:
    – Always provide a mis-leading story title
    – Don’t update your blog stories more then once a year
    – Make sure your blog layout confuses users as much as possible by not having any discernible menus or navigation structure.
    – Post stories based on rumors and unverified facts that you have read on the sleazy leach boards or elsewhere.
    – Don’t post your picture on your blog’s about page and leave your background information completely blank. If you have a handy picture of an old shoe or some money (coinage or bills will do), just use that instead.
    – Don’t customize your blogs artwork, icon or theme – just leave it stock out of the box.
    – Don’t use WordPress or other modern blog software systems with their gazillion plug-ins, themes, support forums, etc. – That’s what all the popular blog sites use and you don’t want to be like them!

    Thanks again!

    Happy Oktoberfest – Prost!

  4. Tumblemoose says:

    Awesome tips!

    I can’t wait to implement them on my blog.

    Yikes. You know, there are going to be folks that are clueless here. The lowest common denominator appears to have a foothold in the blogging world.
    Sometimes I get a sore neck just from shaking my head as I stumble around different blogs. I try and take an optimistic view point and say to myself, “Hey, with this kind of competition, I oughta shoot right towards the top!”

    Cheers!

    George

  5. Well said.

    It’s amazing to me how many blogs I come across (often via pingbacks to my site) where the content is just garbage. I don’t mean garbage in terms of me not agreeing with it or something that isn’t useful to me, I mean poorly written, bad grammar, spelling mistakes, and pages clearly designed to “keyword snipe”.

    The more I think about it, all of the crap out there probably benefits us (the writers actually putting time and effort and research into our content). It makes the junk fall to the bottom and the good stuff rise to the top – I hope, at least.

  6. James, hi,

    These are all great points, but point 3 is my favourite.

    Given all the tools that are available to check spelling and grammar, how anyone can publish a post that’s full of spelling and grammatical errors blows my mind!

    Cheers,

    Martin.

  7. cAcEn86 says:

    i love point #14…:)
    it is so funny…hahaha

  8. Please tell me how you made 17$ million with this post!
    Haha, just kidding. Nice post capturing what not to do.
    Here are two more:
    – make sure to add so many ads on your blog that no-one can find your content. Content is not important, people should only click on ads.
    – do not test your blog design in multiple browsers. Firefox users are losers anyway. Everyone should use Internet Explorer.

  9. WebJunk says:

    Cool, I love your blog!
    Best point 14, I think it’s funny 🙂
    P.s. Hi from Russia.

  10. Very good post. Great tips. I must say I have done #3 before when trying to hurry up and get a post out. Not proof reading just makes your product and blog look second rate.

    #11 is funny. I love when people get called out for doing that

    #12 I hate so much. When you try to leave a site BAM! pop-up, sre you sure, pop-under. I hate it.

  11. Slayer says:

    hmm, nice post, man! thx a lot.
    Grand respect from Ukraine.

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